Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
