If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
