Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
