my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
