I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I could make wine with my vomit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
