Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
