I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
