Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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