HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
