capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
