I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
