Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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