yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
