I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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