just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
