well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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