I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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