its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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