what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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