k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
