bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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