"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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