i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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