im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
