he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
