You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
