you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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