You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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