yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
