I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
