Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
