I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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