I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
