oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
