What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
