guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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