the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
that is very illegal...i love you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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