Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
