I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
