so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
