How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
