high people should be assigned attendants
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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