did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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