she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
