Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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