Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
