Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
