Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
