I just threw up on my dentist
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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