I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
